PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you still have your period?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
