R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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