that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
