i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
