You're so nebulous sometimes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
