pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
