Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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