You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
