You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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