I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
