Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
