Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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