my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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