is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
