Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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