You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
