Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize