And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
