i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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