are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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