oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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