Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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