If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
