I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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