Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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