i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
