Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
