Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
