do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
