I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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