She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
