walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
