I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
