Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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