Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
