Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Drunk is not a location!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
