I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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