are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
