one might say we're banned from that church
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
