my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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