i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
