So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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