A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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