It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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