i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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