Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
