I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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