My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
