I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I CAN MOONWALK!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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