I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize