so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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