Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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