Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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