Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize