i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
