I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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