How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
