i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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