All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
