glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
