I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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