I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
