ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize