im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize