this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
