Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
