I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
