Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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