when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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