just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
