It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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