this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
