Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
