haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
