well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Even my vagina gasped.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
