He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
