Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
