Only a mothe r could love this liver
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
