i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
