That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
