she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
