if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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