Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
