I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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