i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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