sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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