it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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