omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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